Reminiscing

When I first did this program, I was pretty heavily involved in the online MF group. It was a way for me to put my feelings, struggles, successes, etc. out there to people who were in the same situation as I was in. I bonded with people I'd never met who were on MF. We'd cheer each other on and boost each other up. It really helped me I think.

Well, part of this online group was a personal blog. I just remembered about that today and went back to look at some of my old posts. Most were weekly check-ins or pleas for a little extra support/help while I struggled through a weak moment. But there were some real treasures in there.

I re-read a letter to myself that I wrote after a week of only a 1 pound weight loss. In it, I highlighted some of my successes thus far and reminded myself of how far I had come. When I wrote that letter to myself I was 17 pounds away from my goal weight. I had lost 23 pounds and dropped 3 dress sizes. I was working out regularly. And I loved the person looking back at me in the mirror.

How inspiring that post was for me today! The past while I've been on a yo-yo diet roller coaster. One week I'm on plan and the next I'm back to my old ways. But I've been really re-focusing the way I've been thinking about my weight loss journey to where I'm thinking more about achieving health and not just weight loss. It's really helped too!

So to go back and read about all the success I'd had on MF before, really just inspired me to keep at it. I often think back to that time when I was "skinny" and dream of what it would be like again. But to actually read about what it was like for me gives me an even clearer picture of what my future will look like! I'm actually going to print out some of those blog posts for my own personal motivation. I think it's really going to help me stay on track when I'm just wanting to quit.

Oh...and quick side note before I go... Last night we had friends over for a BBQ in celebration of the 24th. We grilled hamburgers. They brought chips, ice cream, Oreos, and potato salad. I ate my burger crumbled over a salad. Did not have any chips or Oreos. And when they brought out the ice cream later that night, I opened up a frozen shake I had prepared earlier that day and ate my "ice cream" right along with them. All while being on plan!! I was pretty proud of myself. And it gave me the confidence I need to stay on plan during our week-long family reunion at the cabin in a week.

A Fresh Start

Wow has my life changed since the last I posted! My baby is now ONE YEAR OLD! I'm at a new job. I survived another tax busy season (something I never thought I'd endure again). My family and I are in a new home. And I haven't been eating all that healthy. But the good news? I haven't really gained any weight since I stopped the program :) Well...I did a little but I lost it quickly my first week back on plan.

But I don't really want to think of myself as "getting back on plan." It reminds me how I tried before and didn't finish what I started. So I want to start fresh. New. Like I've never done this before.

So here I am, week 2 of my eating plan and feeling good. No, I wasn't perfect over Mother's Day (darn husband bought me yummy chocolates...). But so far this week? I've been doing good. And I've made up a personal challenge for myself. It's a 6 week challenge where I am 100% on plan. No cheating. No straying from the program. No BLT's (bites, licks & tastes). And the fun part is, I'm not doing it alone. I've challenged my clients to do this with me. Lucky for them I've offered up a little reward if they complete it. For me though, I guess my reward will be to {hopefully} be 15 pounds lighter.

I guess since I'm starting new I need to say my stats. I am currently at 166.5 pounds (last week I was at 170). So guess what that means...I get a MANI-PEDI! I love having these rewards for my weight loss :). I had actually forgotten about the ones I listed before and so I made a new list. Instead of doing every 10 pounds I did every 5. And the funny thing is, my rewards totally line up with the list on this blog (5 lbs {165} pedicure, 15 pounds {155} massage, 25 pounds {145} fancy dinner, 35 pounds {135} shopping spree. Coincidence or meant to be? So I'm going to keep those goals I have listed on this blog & just add in the other smaller ones on my own (e.g. a new dress, a swim suit & family pictures).

{I'm actually really excited about the last one (family pictures). We took a family picture in the fall to use as our Christmas card. And while I definitely wasn't at my heaviest, I still didn't love the way I looked. I don't really want to hang that picture up in our house. I want one I'm proud to show everyone. So I can't wait to take a fun family picture to display in our home.}

I'm currently between a size 10-12. My size 12 pants are a little loose, but my 10's are still a bit tight. I'm definitely a "Large" when it comes to shirts & dresses though. And this time around I'm actually taking my measurements so I can see how many inches I lose. So let the embarrassment begin. Here are my measurements:

Upper arm: 14.25

Chest: 39

Upper waist: 35

Lower waist: 40

Hips: 42.5

Thigh: 24.25

Calf: 15.5

Man, I can't believe how open I'm being about this. And I can't believe how much bigger I am than I thought! Talk about motivation!

Oh, and last but not least...here is a picture of what I look like now.

35 pounds to go... I CAN DO THIS!

Perspective

The past few days I've been getting a number of compliments on my weight loss. It feels great to have friends and family tell me how great I'm looking. I love hearing these compliments. It helps me keep motivated to keep going when I'm having a tough day. It also helps me know that all my efforts haven't been for nothing.

But it's also got me thinking a lot about perspective.

I am currently at the weight I was before I got pregnant with my son a year ago. And when I think about where I was a year ago and how I felt about myself at that time it's interesting to me to see how much my mind set and the mind set of those around me has changed.

Last year when I was at 175 pounds I was so upset with myself that I had allowed myself to gain that much weight. I hated what I looked like and avoided mirrors. I would get so depressed each day as I would search for something to wear that looked even semi-decent on me. I would never have heard how thin I was a year ago. No one ever told me that I was looking really good and wondering what I was doing to stay so healthy & fit.

Fast forward to now. I'm once again at 175 (ok...really 173) pounds, but I have a completely different outlook on life. I get so excited that I can once again fit into my old jeans I hated so much a year ago. I look at that picture I took a few weeks back and am so proud of myself. I'm happy that I can fit in my "fat" clothes. Because that means that I am no longer in my maternity clothes (aka REALLY fat clothes).

So what's changed? I mean...weight wise I'm the same as I was a year ago. So again I ask, what has changed?

Well for one thing - 175 is no longer the heaviest I have ever been. And compared to the 198 that I was at a couple of months ago, 175 is pretty thin. And since friends and family knew me at my heaviest they can look at me and are also tricked into thinking that I'm thin. Our perspective has changed.

It's kind of like springtime vs. fall. In the fall when the temperatures are finally beginning to drop after a hot summer, 65 degrees feels almost frigid. That's when you bring out the sweaters, pants, and boots. And even a jacket. But in spring, when you're finally getting out of the freezing winter, 65 feels hot! You bring out the shorts and short sleeve shirts and still feel over heated.

So a year a go I was entering fall. I had been thin once and then gained weight again and so I felt fatter than ever and hated what I looked like. But now I'm entering springtime. I've been dealing with an ugly winter in my life and I'm finally coming out of it. I'm feeling better about myself every day.

It also reminds me of a conversation that I had with my friend a few year ago. My friend had lost a significant amount a weight and was looking really good. Then I moved away and didn't see my friend for a few months. When I saw her again I asked if she had lost more weight because she looked thinner to me. But she answered no. She said that it was because I just remembered her being fat and so it was just that she looked thinner than I remembered her being.

So yes, I am where I was at a year ago. But because I used to be so much worse off than where I am today, life is much better for me now. It's all about perspective.

I'm glad that my perspective has changed. I'm glad that I can look at myself in the mirror and not completely detest the person staring back at me. I still wish that I was thinner, but I also know that with time I will get to my goal. Yes, I still have more than 40 pounds to lose, but I've already lost 25 pounds - and that's an accomplishment. I'm happy with how far I've come and am excited to see what's coming my way in the next few months!

I'm Not Perfect

This past week was my family reunion in Island Park, ID. I had such great intentions of staying 100% on plan while I was gone. I packed all my meals and my lean and greens. I had it all planned out. While my family was having unhealthy treats and food all week, I was going to eat healthy and lose weight while on vacation!

That was plan anyways...

It didn't quite end up that way. Sure, the first couple of days I did great. I fixed my lean & green meal for dinner so I could eat with my family. I refrained from eating all the treats that were just sitting out on the counter all day long. I did great.

But then temptation started getting the best of me and I succumbed. I still ate my meal replacements throughout the day so I continued eating every 3 hours (ish - that got a little lax too). But dinners became harder and harder to pass up. And the candy was calling my name! Then B got some amazing huckleberry ice cream that he was going on and on about so I just had to try it. And finish the bowl for him. Then I had to get my own bowl of that delicious ice cream a few days later. (Ice cream is definitely my weakness!)

But oh boy did I pay for that decision! It's crazy how much my body likes eating healthy. I found this out after I had my bowl of ice cream. It wasn't long after I finished my ice cream that my stomach began feeling upset. I thought that if I ate some real food (i.e. pizza...eek!) I would feel better. Oh man was I wrong! I felt so sick that night! I had to spend the rest of the night in bed willing myself not to throw up.

Lesson learned!!

I had kind of expected that I gained like 5 pounds while away. But luckily I was wrong. When I got back home from vacation I weighed myself and found that I hadn't gained any weight despite my missteps. But I also hadn't lost any either. Oh well. Lessons have been learned and I am back on track this week.

It just goes to show that you don't have to be perfect. There will be other times I'm sure when I will just HAVE to have a bite of some dessert or something I shouldn't. But the good news is, I know that I can always start fresh the next day. Heck - I can start fresh with the next meal!

Yes, I would have loved coming back from vacation having lost another 2 pounds. But at least I was conscious about what I was putting into my mouth. I didn't let myself go too crazy and therefore didn't gain any weight. And it feels great being back on plan this week!

20 Pounds Down

Well folks, today I reached goal #2 with 20 pounds gone!! I feel great! I'm starting to get my confidence back already. I often catch myself thinking about how skinny I feel. That might sound funny, but I often feel skinnier than I actually am. And I've been feeling that a lot lately. Hahaha! Sometimes I have to remind myself that I have quite a ways so to until I'm where I really want to be.

But on the flip side, sometimes when I get frustrated at not being able to fit into my old clothes, I need to remind myself of how far I've come! I mean, 20 pounds isn't something to dismiss! That's a big accomplishment! That's a toddler! Cameron doesn't even weigh 20 pounds! I've almost lost 2 Camerons! Hahaha!

As hard as it is to look back at the picture I took on Day 1, it's also quite fun to see how much I've changed in such a short amount of time. I mean...CRAZY! It's only been a month and a half!

Ugh! I really hate that first picture. I hate to think that I ever let myself get that big. And remember what I said earlier about thinking that I am skinnier than I actually am? Well, I never felt THAT big a few months ago. That picture really helped open my eyes to see how big I had gotten. And now it helps me see how far I've come!

No more rolls on my tummy when I'm standing (sitting down is another story...but those too will disappear soon enough). My face has thinned out. My arms no longer look like over-stuffed sausages. My boobs have gone back to a normal size (partly due to no longer nursing). I fit back into a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans (they are the biggest size I have, but still...no more maternity clothes for this girl!!) And I'm starting to get my figure back! I can actually look at the picture from today and say that I look cute. That's an accomplishment in itself.

Oh...and I need to mention one more thing. This week I was FINALLY able to put back on my wedding ring! I've worn it for 3 days straight now and my finger doesn't feel like it wants to fall off! I love my wedding ring so much and it made me sad not to be able to wear it for such a long time. Now I catch myself just staring at my hand like I did when I first got engaged. It makes me happy.

So pretty much it's been an awesome week for me! I am so thankful to this program and my health coach for helping me get here. Yes, I have a long way to go on my journey still. But I've also made it quite far. And that's what I'm celebrating today. Now I get to go out and buy myself a new movie!! Woo hoo!

Discovering My Optimal Health

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to go to a national convention for health coaches. Boy did I learn A LOT! Sometimes I felt a bit overwhelmed with all the wealth of knowledge that I was getting. Not only was I trained (and CERTIFIED!!) to be a better health coach to my clients, I learned a lot about my own health and what I need to do to achieve optimal health.

Many (if not most) of the speakers and teachers that presented to us discussed the importance of "knowing your why." Basically, why do I want to be a health coach? Why do I want to be doing the health program myself? Is it just about weight loss or much much more? They asked us to visualize what we want our life to be like in the trilogy of optimal health - healthy body, healthy mind, healthy finances. Once we had a visual of what that life would look like, then we would work it down to clear, specific goals.

Without clear goals in mind, it makes it difficult to ever achieve them. I mean, how can you achieve your goals if you don't know what they are? Pretty understandable, right?

So I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days about exactly what I want to come from this weight loss / better health journey. I've decided that yes, I want to lose weight. But I've also discovered the reasons behind wanting that goal. Why exactly I want to lose the weight and get healthy. Plus I've decided that I want more than just to be "skinny." Healthy doesn't necessarily mean "skinny." It means just that - HEALTHY! And that's what I want. I want optimal health.

So, here are my reasons why I want to lose weight and get healthy:

~ I want to feel confident in my skin. I've always been held back by lack of confidence (except for when I'd lost the weight previously - then I was super confident). I want to be that confident person I was before. I want to love myself.

~ I want to have the energy to run around with a very active boy (I'm sure that once Cameron starts moving he's never going to stop!). I want to play with him at the park next summer and not feel out of breath.

~ I want to keep up with my super active husband. Brant loves to go hiking and camping and biking and pretty much anything outdoors. When I go on hikes with him now, I feel like I'm holding him back because I can't go too far before I get too tired. I hate it! I want to be able to go on family hikes and not feel like I'm going to keel over and die.

~ I want my kids to grow up in a healthy home. I don't want them to ever have to fight the battle that I've had to fight my whole life up to this point. I don't want them to know what it's like to look in the mirror and despise the person looking back. And the easiest way to have healthy kids is to show them how to be healthy. It starts with me!

~ I want to get to optimal health now so that I can enjoy it for the rest of my life!

So yes...my losing weight is SO much more than being able to fit into a size 6 dress (though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to that too). That's one big thing that I learned at convention. Optimal health is now my goal.

What are your health goals and vision for the life you want?

Goal #1 Met!

I've done it! I've lost my first 10 pounds! Yay! That means I'm just 12 pounds away from being at my pre-pregnancy weight. And it means that I'm 10 pounds closer to my final goal! And it also means that I get to pick out a new nail polish! Woo hoo!!

I'm starting to notice that my clothes are fitting a bit better already. And I've had quite a few comments about how I'm looking really good! Such great motivation to keep going on this program. My pre-pregnancy pants are still a bit tight around the waist, so I'm holding off on wearing them for now. But I know that any day I'll be able to button them up without any difficulty. And before I know it - they will be too big! Oh how wonderful will that be?!?

I was just thinking the other day how great it will be to be able to put away all my maternity wear until the next kid comes along. And then how great will it be to drop off all my "fat" clothes at the DI and rid myself of them once and for all! I can't wait to go on that shopping spree when I'm 130 pounds. What will that be like? I mean...I haven't been that small since...who knows when! And I'm excited!

Anyway, just wanted to quickly share. Off to go make myself some eggs for breakfast! Yum!